Sunday, April 8, 2012

3 Broken Wings, A Parody of Tuna's Autobiograhpy

Oh, dear! The truth is spilling out! Miss Tuna is pretty excited to write another autobiography, people! I'm sure she's very busy calling every publishing agencies out there to have her story heard rather than take a chill pill for awhile. Why write your bullshit fabricated experience on facebook when you could publish it and earn cash while at it? Anyways, while [sarcasm]the world is anxiously waiting[/sarcasm], despite Tuna claiming to go through "30 days of intense rehab programming" according to her former porn-star manager, it is not likely true. Blogger Ghost Rider Radio has an extensive coverage on this part, so make sure to read it.

Click here to start reading Broken Wings

Perhaps Tuna is looking for a new manager because if you're a successful celebrity, you don't need more than one manager...right? According to the video I've linked, I won't discuss about this alleged "marriage" shit in this entry, but David Weintraub is the Vice-President of Series Development for Stone & Co Entertainment. Hmmmm..it's safe to say Tuna and David must be cooking up a reality show based on her experience at the rehab. Please, these rehab shows are fucking dumb, at least in my opinion. I don't think the world needs another.

Just to be clear again, it's very unlikely Tuna ever went to a rehab, let alone, did not stay for 30 days to begin with. This is merely a gimmick for a possible tv show with the same theme as Celebrity Rehab and Intervention. In case if you've forgotten, back in January 17th, Tila announced she's converting to Judaism but TMZ.com did not fall for it and accuses her of pulling a stunt to be in a reality show. No doubt Tuna pulled this rehab crap for the same reason. A video has circulated on YouTube on the night of Tuna's release from the rehab and already she's removed doubts and still acting like a goddamned attention whore.

Myabe it's the drugs, but Tuna seems to have a habit of not remembering things. I'm sure she'll blame her multiple personalities on this one but I clearly remembered during an interview with Chaunce Hayden back in July 2011, Tila explains what makes her happy:

The following statement is at 30:11. You should be at that mark when you click play, though.

"Being normal, living my life, uh, partying with my friends, meeting new people. Ummm...finishing up this press tour, then after this is done, then after shooting a movie in L.A., my last obligations, and then I am...out! "

This should sound similar to you because Tila have announced before that she's quitting Hollywood. As usual, another fucking lie. Jesus Christ, if she were Pinocchio, her nose would be making its sixth round around earth by now! I was surprised to hear Chaunce express doubts on her marriage should she be in one. I have to agree. I don't like the term, "excitement" though, but drama is more fitting to Tila's life and I believe should she get married, it wont't last long. Narcissists are difficult to live with, especially with those who suffers severely like Tuna.

Anyways, my point is, if those things truly can make her happy, why doesn't she actually fulfill them? Or maybe Tuna enjoys being miserable and wants to bring much people down with her. Unfortunately for someone who's starving for fame and money, their answer is just deluded, otherwise, these would, and can be already fulfilled by now. Personally, I don't care if Tuna's happy or depressed, but maybe the first step into finding true happiness is to start being true to yourself. Yes? No? Fame and money don't bring happiness, Tuna. Continue to think that, and believe me, you'll always be a wretched lying snake you currently are. And another thing, you don't have friends. If you did, your friend would have taken your sorry ass to a hospital on your first try rather than wait a week.

Oh, by the way, I just love sensing her desperation for money. Trying to trick her Tila turds into calling her but leave the fee informations out: $20 dollars per minute. Them fans better start saving their lunch money and work extra long hours at McDonalds!

B R O K E N   W I N G S:


Hello world! Many of you already know that I grew up unlike most children in today's modern societies. When I was a kid my father would wake my sister and me up at 6am and work until 8pm all weekend's. The weather may be inclement but we would work in the rain and hot day's just to make ends meet. You see I grew up very poor. In fact, I was inside my mommy's tummy during the Vietnam War and came into this world on October 24th 1981! I was a miracle! I am apart of the Vietnam War generation!

I still remember the day when me and my family were escaping the war. My mummy was a model and even had a role in some movie I refuse to name because I don't want those hater's bashing her! My mommy is a loving angel sent from God like me! Anyways while bomb's were dropping all over the place, we ran to a near by boat where a soldier was refusing to let anyone on. He had a big gun and looked mean. Mommy was so beautiful that the soldier felt sympathy and allowed her on while she's pregnant with me.

I could have died! But with God's love and blessing, we all survived the bombing's and made it to America. It wasn't easy on a boat either. I got sea sick and threw up! I threw up on the soldier who let us on. My mommy was next to me so she was able to calm him down. There were rats everywhere to! My sister screamed a lot and our brother would try to catch some of them and to throw them at us!

Still, he was our brother and I just accepted having rat's being thrown at us! We came to live in Texas and end up living in a gated community filled with Buddhists. We were the poorest and shared one room that were filled with rats and cockroaches! I slept on the dirty hard floor with a small blanket and would wake-up with rats or cockroaches crawling all over me! To make things worse, we didn't get to play with other children. Sure, we went to school's, but we were told to come straight home and do our homeworks. After homework, we would sew stuff to sell at this flea market. Week-end's were the worst! My sister and I were forced to work from 6am till 8pm!

So you see, I had to grow up really fast! I had to be tough because I was always getting picked on because of my race and class. Students were very mean to us, so rather than play victim, I would start fighting back and POW! Now I was so popular! The biggest (in attitude hehehehe) bitch at the school! I became rebellious and didn't take shit from No-One! During my junior year, I became so rebellious that I ended up being in a gang! Not like an Asian gang, but a Mexican gang! I also started experimenting with drugs to.

I shouldn't be telling you this but I feel it's very important that you know I didn't get along with my parents. Mommy changed and started taking her anger out on me and my sister. Dad was the worst. He would hit me really hard and it hurt me. Not just the physical attacks. He would call me a slut a whore and I said fuck it! If that's what you think I am, then that's what I will be! A slut, a whore! I'll MAKE YOU PROUD, DADDY! FUCCCCCKKKKKK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATTTTTTEEEEE YOU!!

I did more drugs because I didn't have Anyone to love me. So I had to go through these trials and tribulations unlike most of you. I am an angel who end up having broken wings. Funny how things can turn out. I had to put up with my parents and after barely passing, got my High School diploma and moved the fuck out of my parent's house! I am became independent since 19! I'd moved in few druggies and got a job as a stripper. I hung out with the wrong crowd. I was a lost angel. I continued to do more drugs and even hooked off the street because I wasn't making lots of bucks from stripping.

I even got into a bad relationship once. When I was 16, I got pregnant and this boyfriend was so abusive that he struck me on my stomach and caused miscarriage! I was so hurt that I hid in my closet and the baby came out. I held my dead baby in my arms as I rocked it slowly. My tears fell on it's dead face. The other time I was hanging out with my girlfriend and this old boyfriend of mine showed up with a gun! He pointed it at me and threatened to kill me! He knew I was scared and for no apparent reason, pointed the gun to himself and before pulling the trigger, says, "I hope you rot in hell, Tila!"

I never saw someone take their own life right in front of me. I will never forget seeing blood splatter on the wall that was behind him. Everything was in slow motion. The sound of blood splattering on that wall...no word's can describe it. Anyways, I was in the next room when it happened. The sound scared me, though. Like a very loud firecracker.

I thought my life was going to get worse but I got discovered by a Playboy scout and started modeling in men's magazines. Somehow a manager of car's import asked me to model for them and I said hell yeah! More traveling! I could use modeling to create fanbase and this could help me get into music industry! Sounds glamourous, right? Wrong. It's a very competitive world so you gotta crush anyone that's in your way and that includes sucking cocks. What I learned in the music industry is that you gotta do what it takes, even if it means to sell your soul to the devil, which I did. So far Satan hasn't returned my call.

I got abused by photographers and my old manager tried to rip me off. But I fought. I fought hard by sucking lots of cocks to survive! Don't suck cocks for a dollar! Suck cocks for Bentley! The world is a vicious cycle. I have no one to love me, so I gotta take care of myself. I drink and do drug's to numb the pain I can't stop feeling. I daydream of killing myself in unique ways and vision the world all stopping to-gether to mourn me, to express their sorrow's of how badly they treated me.

I see so many evil shit on earth and it is my duty, as a child of God, to restore that peace and love we all used to have! Fuck the hater's! They will burn in hell! Their tears will be acid while mine will turn into diamonds! I already see the haters screaming for God but God only laughs at them and he holds me tightly and shower me with love. I am his number one angel!

Someday, those haters are gonna wish they haven't picked on me! God has a place for them and i'ts just going to be more than the lake of fire! But why does God make me go through these trials and tribulations? You already know I tried to kill myself and I ended up in a rehab. Don't listen to those hater's! I went to the rehab for 30 days straight! I had to fight my inner Demon's! I had a rough Childhood life and had to grow-up really fast unlike most of you. Drugs were the only things that can comfort me.

But with God's devotion and me his number one child of angel, He was with me the entire time, fighting my battle and won! You see, I may be this small, fragile little lost girl, but I too, have thick skin and survived so many abusive ordeals that most of you never gone through, so be thankful of what you have and don't let the hater's get to you! You are something, and they are just total shit! Trust me when I say God will have a special place for them in Hell!

That being said, I hope you understand and accept my choice of doing drugs. I am now sober and will think more positively about life in general! I want to share you my latest near death experience, but that will wait for another time. Sorry! Miss Tila likes to keep her fans at the edge of their seat's! Hehehehe! So with the rehab now over, Miss Tila is back and more powerful than ever! You'll see her in movies for 2012 and do music tours!

So stay tuned about my new reality show about my experience at the rehab! And please don't forget to give me a call! I'll be waiting!!!!!! Bye, bitches!!!!!

Miss Tila


3 comments:

deluwiel said...

omg. You could post this on her FB and no one would question that Tuna wrote it herself. Had to laugh at her brother throwing rats at her. Even back then he knew...

Once again, well done, qocap!

BigPoppaPhat said...

Awsome post!

Joann said...

One of the things that had me LMAO was....."Mommy was so beautiful that the soldier felt sympathy and allowed her on while she's pregnant with me.

It wasn't easy on a boat either. I got sea sick and threw up! I threw up on the soldier who let us on."

I can actually see the skank writing something just that way and think nothing of it.

Funny post QOCAP