Wednesday, December 22, 2010

25 Hooking Up With Tila Tequila Book Review

I like to thank MissTilaOMG (not the real Tila Tequila), for sharing us this link:

By Jef Otte, Thu., Nov. 11 2010

Perhaps more than ever in this reality show age we live in, it can be difficult to know what the hell famous people are even famous for -- and nobody, besides maybe Paris Hilton, exemplifies that "famous for being famous" phenomenon better than Tila Tequila. In her completely un-clamored-for memoir, Tequila's main mission seems to be to justify that fame; though the official subtitle is A Guide to Love, Fame, Happiness, Success and Being the Life of the Party, it might as well be I don't care what you think of me, but it really bugs me that that's what you think of me.
Well, that and a book-length vanity-stroke. Though generally in one chapter book reviews I select one random chapter and review them on that basis, in this case, I had to read two. That's because the chapter I randomly selected happened to be chapter 3, which is entitled "photos." Here's the whole text of that chapter:

    What? Are you expecting me to get all defensive about the fact that I got my start (and made bank) in a bikini? Nah, I'm comfortable with who I am and the fact that plenty of people seem to think I look hot in the buff. This is jerk-off material, plain and simple. So go get some lotion, do what you have to do, and enjoy the next half hour of your life.

Gross. True to that promise, though, what follows is 31 full pages of photos of Tila Tequila.

Chapter four, entitled "Making It," is a little more substantial. In that chapter, as the title suggests, Tequila (with an assist from "co-author" -- meaning "person who did a series of interviews with Tequila and then wrote the book first-person from Tequila's perspective" -- Sarah Tomlinson) details how she got famous -- and it's actually kind of interesting. For example, did you know that she made her first batch of real money running a clothing line where she made all the clothes and filled all the orders herself? Or that she learned HTML so that she could build a website without anyone telling her how to do it? Me neither.

Probably the most interesting thing about the book, though, is that it ends up painting a surprisingly sympathetic portrait of Tequila, albeit in a way that Tequila clearly does not intend. For example:

    Right away, there were Tila lovers. And Tila haters, too. But everyone, and I mean everyone, knew who I was. That's how I liked it then. And that's how I like it now. Love me or hate me, you can't ignore me. And I don't care what you say.

That's a point Tequila continually reinforces throughout -- that she doesn't give a shit what you think. But like so many people who insist that they don't care what you think to the point that they doth protest too much, Tequila is clearly a person who really, really cares what you think. It's what drove her to become famous ("I wanted to be an entertainer and be known and admired by millions of people"), it's what drove her to release this book ("I hated that people could be so totally wrong about me"), it's what compels her to justify actions nobody even accused her of, which she does by addressing this dubious advice to her audience:

    You've got to be smart about it, ladies. None of this sucking dick for a dollar bullshit. If you're going to do it, I'm talking about sucking dick for a Bentley. Seriously. Know your worth and make sure you get paid. And, most importantly, never forget why you're doing it. For me, it was all about making my music happen.

As a guide to anything -- if that tacit endorsement of semi-prostitution can be taken as an example of the "advice" up for grabs here -- this book is terrible. Still, there's something heartwarming about it: By the end of the chapter, I came to kind of like Tila Tequila -- for her charm, for her bravado, for the odd dissonance between her jadedness and her naïveté, her confidence and her insecurity and because, most of all, and just like everyone else, she's just a weird, quirky, damaged human being, warts and all.

25 comments:

BigPoppaPhat said...

Im surprised someone actually opened this book in the first place intending to read. I personally would use it to stand on to reach the top self in the pantry, it dosent serve much more purpose than that. I liked reading the Amazon reviews of her book.

BigPoppaPhat said...

Oh btw, its sold at Amazon for $00.01, thats a four digit price tag haters!

FUYU said...

Gutter slut... disgusting filthy whore bag. Why was this woman born? Why is she STILL here???? I don't wish death upon her... I just want her to go away... like, in jail... for life.

HTML isn't hard, especially depending on when she "learned it" .. also if you don't consider CSS it's even more easy. All you need is html, title, head, meta tags, body, font size color, p's and br's and make sure to close the tags and all that... until tables are involved lol.. although I don't even think she's smart enough to get that far. I'm sure she learned about the tags on myspace posting random crap and even by stealing source code from someone else and then saying "I learned it all on my own! *pat on back*". She must be SO SOOO proud of her skills recently with her wordpress blog's WYSIWYG editor. Bitch.

FUYU said...

@BigPoppaPhat
LMAOOOO even if they gave me free shipping for it, I wouldn't pay a penny for that ish. :/ You made me curious about the reviews. XD Hope there's lulz in there.

FUYU said...

I just came back from reading reviews and one stood out.

★★★★★ Fabulous, December 10, 2008
A Kid's Review
If I had a criticism it would be her free use of cuss words through out the prose. However, I believe that can be explained by her condition with Tourette's. Otherwise, I laughed. I cried, and at the end I felt warm inside. I'm giving Tila Tequila 2 thumbs up and a boner.

Joann said...

She sums up her total reason for being with this statement...."This is jerk-off material, plain and simple."....she thinks so highly of herself...*rolling eyes*.

She said "s*cking d**k, for her was about making her music happen....evidently she was not that good at it because her music is still NOT HAPPENING.

That was my first and last time reading parts of her book and it only cements my opinion of her. She's a lying sociopath who will use any means to get what she wants.

Cathy said...

Hi :) New here but I thought this might be the best part
Usually ships within 1 to 3 months.
Ships from and sold by Amazon.com.

Ordering for Christmas? This item requires additional time to ship and will arrive after December 25.

19 new from $0.01
37 used from $0.01
2 collectible from $15.00

The best part is that it takes 1-3 months to get the book can we all say printed as its ordered? IT must not be in huge demand!

SammiDe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

SammiDe said...

Wow, I hope they didn't PAY for the book to review it! I am sure it was a free copy given, I get them all the time by companies or authors who have written I read and send them the review however which way they request it or will blog it, ☻! So he BEST not have paid for that book, I sure wouldn't have, how sad.

SammiDe said...

FUYU THAT is hilarious at 2:16 PM!!!!!! HAHAHAHAA!

SammiDe said...

gPoppaPhat said...

Oh btw, its sold at Amazon for $00.01, thats a four digit price tag haters!

WAIT, SERIOUSLY? It's only 1cent!? HA. doesn't paypal pay more than that to OPEN an account with them! WOW, Tila that is a MAJOR accomplishment! HAHAHA you so knows she reads ALL these blogs on her, sad cunt.

Queen of Copy and Paste said...

Apparently, Tila had 5 upcoming books to write, yes 5, and haven't had her second book published.

http://www.celebritytweet.com/officialTila/link/3359481082/

http://www.celebritytweet.com/officialTila/link/3360449598/

I would love to know the sales record on her shitty "how to be a hooker" book. Looks like it flopped that the literary agency said fuck no and ditched the slut. Smart move.

imoutofit said...

LMAO, last time I checked her stupid memoir was going for nine cents a piece. I guess it went down in price. HAHA! She's such an epic fail. Her "clothing line" was also a failure because she was selling her stupid Tila Army T-shirts for a dollar a piece at her failure of a garbage sale.

Tila is the epitome of failure. That is all.

Joann said...

OT....her last tweet says she's on the plane waiting for it to take off to Houston where she will be spending Christmas then it's off to Paris for the New Years.

I personally don't believe one word of this. Let's see if she shows any pics. I say she won't and she's right here in LA or close by staying with her "f*ck buddy.

BigPoppaPhat said...

Speaking of twitter, its funny how many of her stupid fans can't spell the word "jealous" correctly. I've never seen so many variations of that word.

Caroline O'Grady said...

I'm sad to say that I own this book. At this very moment it sits on my shelf; an embarrassing reminder that, being once a naive 16 year old girl, I actually used to like Tila Tequila.

I tried to sell it at Powell's Books (the grandest independent bookstore in the land) about a year ago and the staff refused to buy it from me. Not one penny for this fine literature! Can you believe it? ;)

BigPoppaPhat said...

Tina is so smart she learned HTML without any help but posted a video of herself a few weeks ago being so dumb to not knowing how to pump gas into a car. So which is the lie? Id say both lol.

RockitQueen said...

I don't think that's semi-prostitution, that's prostitution prostitution. What a disgusting piece of trash. And I don't feel one bit bad slut-shaming this gutter whore.

On a somewhat related note, I love how she's been leading her AOIs on for days with the promise of a makeup tutorial.

Bannana Smoothie said...

Hello fellow haters! I'm just curious... has any haters commented on her blog since she's opened it to us again? I can't be bothered checking it as she doesn't deserve my internet time! Hehehe...

I heard she's been posing as a hater at one stage.. how desperate can she be?!!

And the CNN "interview" cracked me up! She made it such a big deal that when I heard her interview it just made me laugh how stupid she is! Like seriously! Some of the words she used is not even a word! Haha!!!

She must be spewing to see that most of the haters are commenting here and at TRS instead! Hehe!

Fuck you Tina! Again, without us Haters, YOU ARE NOTHING!!!

Oh, and Tina... your "engagement ring"... maybe you should go to Macy's at least and buy a new one. Everyone knows it's the same ring as CJ's ring! You TWAT!

Hannah said...

@Banana Smoothie..I was curious so I checked and it seems like most haters really have stopped. There are a few, like maybe 3-5 that are still commenting regularly but her site traffic still must be wayyy down. When she realizes it's not going back up she might do something drastic ;)

That is HILARIOUS about the book. I might just have to check out those Amazon reviews. Happy holidays everyone!

Caroline O'Grady said...

@Bannana Smoothie: I've steadfastly refused to visit her website since the 'Hater Block' as well. Hopefully many other 'haters' have avoided that flog too! So good to see her traffic steadily decrease! >D

Nother said...

I hate to be the one to bring this up, but most of the reviews of the skank's book were positive. It's bad enough being a selfish whore, but to be a selfish whore who is PROUD of being a selfish whore, and then to be admired for it....what the hell is this world coming to?

BigPoppaPhat said...

@Nother, one of the reviewers even mentioned that any positive review is probably by her or someone affiliated with Tila, I dont know how a book written at a 5th grade level, full of obscenitys and misspellings, soft porn, and encouraging prostitution, refered to as "jerk-off material" by Tila herself can be considered "positive, admiring, informative, inspiring, etc" by a legit reviewer. Anybody including Tila can cough up a penny for the book and leave a 5 star review praising that garbage.

Monique said...

I apologize, I am a horrible writer. Had a little fun with the review above. This is my take on the review Tina would post for her AOIs.

- Monique (aka @misstilaomg)

----------------------------------------------

Jef Otte recently reviewed Hooking up with Tila Tequila, here is some of what he had to say.

"generally in one chapter book reviews I select one random chapter and review them on that basis, in this case, I had to read two"

On how Tila started out from running her first business to being self-taught in programming and web design.

"it's actually kind of interesting ... she made her first batch of real money running a clothing line where she made all the clothes and filled all the orders herself." "she learned HTML so that she could build a website without anyone telling her how to do it."

Her book - "there's something heartwarming about it"

His thoughts on Miss Tila herself - "By the end ... I came to kinda of like Tila Tequila. -- for her charm, for her bravado, her naïveté, her confidence and her insecurity." "She is just like everyone, ... a weird, quirky, ... human being."

lalabinks said...

The book is 1 cent, it would cost more for postage and handling. lol